Criminal: Mini-review


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Kevin Costner

What this movie does to Kevin Costner’s career is criminal

D+Ryan Reynolds‘ career is on a roll now, but he needs to steer clear of movies in which one man’s memory is transplanted into another man’s body. It didn’t work out too well in Self/Less, and the results are even worse, both for Reynolds and the audience, in Criminal

Actually, Reynolds is only on hand for the first 10 minutes of Criminal before his character, CIA agent Bill Pope, is tortured and killed by an international terrorist (Jordi Molla) trying to find the location of a potential doomsday device. In order to get the information Pope had and find the device before the terrorist does, Pope’s boss, Quaker Wells (Gary Oldman), has a scientist, Dr. Franks (Tommy Lee Jones) perform an experimental operation transferring Pope’s brain cells into the body of convicted murderer Jericho Stewart (Kevin Costner). Before he reveals what Pope knew, however, Stewart escapes custody, killing several people, and both the CIA and the terrorists are after him.

The plot of Criminal is completely preposterous, but it’s the type of movie that might be over-the-top fun in the right hands. Unfortunately, director Ariel Vromen plays it far too straight. From the moment the audience realizes that Pope left behind a wife (Gal Gadot) and adorable moppet daughter (Lara Decaro), there’s no doubt where Stewart is headed. Of course, Pope’s implanted memories eventually allow Stewart for the first time in his life to feel emotions for Pope’s loved ones. Before that, however, Costner is fun to watch for a while as he casually and brutally beats up anyone who literally gets in his way. The fun quickly wears off as the nearly non-stop violence is excessively brutal and overdone. Unfortunately, there’s little else besides Costner’s performance to recommend in Criminal. Gary Oldman bellows and blusters through every scene while Tommy Lee Jones compensates by mumbling his lines. The plot is needlessly convoluted. and almost every character in Criminal is, well, criminally stupid, seemingly for the sole purpose of allowing dozens of stunt persons to meet sometimes grisly demises. And, while the movie has plenty of set pieces, Vromen’s handling of them is rather pedestrian. Ironically, Nicolas Cage turned down Costner’s role in this movie; that one fact should tell you all you need to know about whether to see Criminal. 
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Self/less: Mini-review


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Ryan Reynolds

Ryan Reynolds is pretty much his old self here

C+The idea behind Self/less, that the wealthy can extend their lives by appropriating the bodies of younger, healthier people, presents fascinating moral, ethical, and psychological issues that could easily fuel a dozen or more similar movies. Unfortunately, after carefully setting up its premise, Self/less instead appropriates the form of a generic action thriller.

The process used in Self/less involves transferring the mind and memory of one person, wealthy but cancer ridden Damian Hale (Ben Kingsley), into the body of another, desperately broke Ryan Reynolds, who agrees to “die” in order to pay his own sick daughter’s medical bills. Damian doesn’t know this is what’s happening; he thinks that his new body was somehow grown from scratch by the man responsible, Dr. Albright (Matthew Goode). At first, Damian’s new life in his younger body is nonstop fun, sex, and games, but when he forgets to take his medication one day, he has visions of his younger self’s former life. A now understandably curious Damian pays a visit to the younger self’s wife (Natalie Martinez) and eventually figures out what Albright has done.

As an action thriller, Self/less is competently made with a fair share of requisite chases and fight scenes, Viewers, however, soon realize that the movie cuts every corner possible in search of a predictably happy ending. Damian himself comes across as merely a hard-nosed, workaholic businessman who very conveniently inherits the body of a highly trained combat vet. Worst of all, the film avoids having to seriously question the morality of the regeneration process by turning Albright into a combination sinister huckster and prototypical mad scientist. Reynolds is a likable hero but never manages to convince the audience he’s the younger version of Kingsley. Instead, it’s the real Kingsley who gives Self/less what power it has in only fifteen minutes of screen time. Self/less seems to lose its creative life about the same time Damian loses his actual one, but, unlike Damian, the movie never really comes back. 
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